totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
