Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
