guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Randomize
