nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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