my mouth tastes like poor choices
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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