I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
