Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
