i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
