i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
