Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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