Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
