Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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