Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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