It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
