Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
