Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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