I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize