so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
