ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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