Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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