He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
