Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize