I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
