He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
