I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
