dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
