I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
