If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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