Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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