I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
we should paint friendship bongs
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