Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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