what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
