Where is the hickey?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize