Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
