What a fucking waste of an outfit
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
