If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize