is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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