Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
