lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
