..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
