So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize