So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
