There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
