I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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