whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
