You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
