I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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