Sry I called you an 8
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
