i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
