i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
