this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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