Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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