Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
