Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
