bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
