Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
