Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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