she smelled like a LAN party
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
