A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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