the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
