this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
