I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
