I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
MIDGETS
????
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
