Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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