I cannot find my penis.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There r osticjed everywhere
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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