my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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