I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the condom got lost in my hair
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
